I don’t remember a happy birthday. Not when I was a child, not even now as an adult. Every year, I find myself trying to force excitement, trying to make the day feel special-but underneath it all, there’s always this familiar ache. Today, as I went to collect my birthday freebies, it hit me harder than usual; maybe I’ve been waiting for someone else to celebrate me, when I never learned how to celebrate myself.
I’ve never really had a party. No real surprises. No “this day is all about you” kind of moments.
Even when I got gifts, they felt like obligations-not joy. And when the people around you treat your birthday like just another day, you start to believe that you are just… another person. Not someone to make a fuss over. Not someone to be seen.
“Maybe I’ve spent all these years waiting to be celebrated by others, when the real celebration was mine to give”
I’ve spent so much time wanting to feel loved- not just tolerated. I want to feel what I give others: effort, thoughtfulness, excitement. I want my significant other to celebrate me because they want to (preferably someone who knows how to plan a birthday, not just say “wyd”).I want friends to make a big deal about me without me having to hint or hope. I want to feel like I’m worth the effort.
But it’s not just about others. I haven’t always treated myself that way either. I didn’t know how to.
” I deserve to be the kind of love I’ve always wished for.”
It’s a mix of grief – for what I didn’t get from others, and what I didn’t offer to myself. But now, I know better. And knowing better means doing better.
So maybe this year doesn’t feel exciting. But maybe it marks the beginning of a new tradition: one where I show up for me. One where I stop waiting for permission to be celebrated.
Cute treats- but happiness has to come from within.
But even on the hard birthdays, I can still choose to celebrate myself. Here’s how I’m starting to do that:
This year, I’m not chasing excitement. I’m chasing peace. And I’m building a life where I feel loved- not just on my birthday, but everyday I choose to show up for myself.
If you’ve ever felt this way about your birthday too, you’re not alone. Leave a comment or share a moment you decided to celebrate yourself anyway.
TheAbundantAries 