Lessons I Keep Learning the Hard Way

Some lessons don’t knock. They crash into your peace, spill into your thoughts, and force you to sit with truths you thought you already learned. And if you’re anything like me, they don’t always come gently.

These are the lessons I keep learning the hard way- the ones the circle back when I ignore my gut or give people too much grace. They all tie into each other, and each one has carved out a new version of me. One that’s softer and wiser. One that’s tired of repeating the same pain in different packaging.

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1. People will only meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves.

I’ve learned to stop expecting me from other people.

Some folks simply haven’t reached the level of awareness or emotional depth to engage with you in real, honest, or compassionate way- and that includes people in your family, your friend circle, and yes, even at work.

I’ve had to learn this the hard way more than once. If you’ve read my latest blog, you know. That situation left me feeling alone, hurt, and honestly, confused. I thought that “we” were all adults-but that was my mistake. Emotional maturity doesn’t come with age.

Now? I meet people where they’re at and leave them when I’m done. I don’t carry their weight with me. Energy is transferable – and I’ve learned to protect mine.

2. Peace is more valuable than proving a point.

I will no longer over-explain myself to someone who already made up their mind about who I am.

I used to waste so much energy trying to clarify, justify, and defend myself. But I’ve realized you can’t change the mind of someone who’s committed to misunderstanding you. Some people want a villain in their story- and if you’re not careful, you’ll cast yourself in the role.

These days, I protect my peace differently. I blink. I smile. I turn the music up. Because I know who I am. And this version of me? She’s not arguing with anybody about it.

3. Ignoring red flags doesn’t make them disappear.

Red flags don’t only exist in dating- they show up in friendships, too. And some friendship breakups hurt more than romantic ones.

That’s someone who’s seen you raw, unfiltered, at your worst and your most hopeful. But as life shifts- with distance, families, career- so do people. And as we get older, the things we once overlooked now hit different. The way someone talks about others, how they handle conflict, how they treat themselves… they’re all signals.

Some friendships I outgrew with grace.

Others? I wished them the life they deserve- from a distance.

4. I’m allowed to start over-again and again.

Starting over doesn’t mean you failed. It means you’re brave enough to admit when something is no longer for you.

I’ve started over before- at 26, moving to Richmond with an 11-month-old baby. And now, I’m doing it again in a different way. Mentally. Emotionally. Spiritually.

I used to compare myself to people my age and feel behind. But that kind of thinking is damaging. Comparison it the thief of joy- and I refuse to be the villain in my own story.

I’ve made mistakes. I’ve repeated lessons. But I’m also growing through every one of them. And I’m not ashamed to begin again.

Because starting over is a form of strength. And I’m still standing.

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These lessons don’t come wrapped in peace- they come with hard truths, tired eyes, and deep reflection. But I’m listening now. I’m trusting myself more. And every time I show up for me. I learn that I am the lesson… and the student…and the author of this story.