Starting Over in Love: Learning to Desire What I Never Saw

Posted byAuthenticallyAriesPosted inThe Abundant AriesTags:

I never saw love done well, but I’m willing to learn. I’m choosing me first-not as a wall, but as a way to finally invite what’s real.

I’ve always wondered why I never really dreamed big when it came to love. I’ve watched so many women around me talk about their dream wedding or their perfect partner. But for me? I don’t remember a time I truly saw for myself.

I used to say I wanted to get married, but if I’m honest- it was because that’s what I thought I was supposed to say. The truth is, I’ve never seen a healthy relationship up close. Not one. And when you grow up without real examples of emotional safety, partnership, and communication, dreaming of those things can feel foreign…. or even unsafe.

Dating never came naturally to me. I wasn’t taught how to date, how to receive love, or even how to know if someone truly like for me. I’m form the South, where dating multiple people was frowned upon. You were labeled a “hoe” for doing what men do without judgement. So I grew up quiet in that area-unsure, guarded, and guilty when I explored what I wanted.

Now I’m 38. I’ve had more situationships than I can count, but very few true relationships. And I’m realizing: I want different now. I am different now.

But how do you start over when love has always been a question mark?

Do I get a dating coach? Try the apps again? Focus on myself and hope it finds me? I don’t have all the answers- but I do know this: I need to stop living according to what podcasts say, what my friends say, or what society expects. I’m the one who has to live with my choices. Especially when it comes to a partner.

I’ve carried this quiet belief that I’m not desirable or deserving. But I’m finally challenging that. Because maybe, just maybe, I can rewrite this story.

This isn’t a post about solutions. It’s a declaration of truth. And maybe getting it all out is the first step to figuring it out.

Because even if I never saw real love growing up… I’m open to seeing it now. Starting with me.

Published by AuthenticallyAries

She’s Authentically Aries — a soft powerhouse in sneakers and soul, walking through life with a heart full of fire and a spirit built from grace and grit. By night, she’s a sharp-minded pharmacy tech making moves at the VA. By heart, she’s a boy mom, a truth-teller, and a quiet warrior rebuilding a life of intention. She feels deeply, leads fiercely, and loves hard — but never blindly. With iced tea in hand, bold lipstick when it hits right, and a playlist that heals and hypes, she’s navigating motherhood, healing, dating, and dreams with eyes wide open. She’s the kind of woman who can cuddle you into calm, call out your nonsense, and cook you something bold — all in the same breath. She doesn’t fake it ‘til she makes it. She feels it ‘til she frees it. And through every repotted plant, late-night blog post, or quiet moment of doubt — she’s still choosing to show up, softer and stronger.

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